They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
