doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
