If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize