Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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