I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
