i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
