What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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