it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
