Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
