My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
