i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
