Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
