Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we're so committed to being not committed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
