i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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