I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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