If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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