So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize