grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Let's paint friendship bongs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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