get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
