watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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