does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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