I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
