You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Your penis caused this!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
