I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
