rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
