Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
