my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
