dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
