god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
