I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
