so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
