guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
