Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
