is your mom at the bar?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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