so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
