I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
