I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
