that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
pray to the hookup gods
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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