Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
