I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
