I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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