Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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