So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
