I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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