He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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