I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
