Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found the puke drawer
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
