When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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