I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
