Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
actually, I'm a sock model
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
