Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
