Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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