Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
