she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
