What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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