I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
