A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Drunk is not a location!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
