Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
