Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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