I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
