Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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