I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
