I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
