I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
