is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
