I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
