So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
