If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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