At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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