im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i dont even know how to be here
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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