you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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