i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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