i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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