yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
