I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
