so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
