dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
