Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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