Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
