I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
