I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize