I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
