you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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