im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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