Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
